Impossible Dream... We are constantly exposed to the "ideal" of the feminine body as "thin is beautiful." This impossible "ideal" can cause feelings of insecurity and inadequacy that can manifest in the relationship with food. Too often, the act of eating ceases to be a pleasurable activity that satisfies hunger, and becomes a means to control, punish or substitute for love. Perhaps it is time to look at what lies beneath the surface.

An eating disorder reflects a troubled relationship— with oneself and with others. It can be a way of deflecting feelings, a doorway into the oblivion of a binge, the release of bad feelings by throwing up. Eating (or not eating) may become a way of declaring that you have no needs—a secret belief that you can defeat Nature and the body. You rise above needs that are too shameful to verbalize, like the need to be listened to, or touched, or seen. Food may be the vehicle for dealing with insecurities like not feeling pretty or smart or sexy enough. Food management—binging and purging—can be a way of expressing anger and control: “I can diet my way to a feeling of power and superiority.”

All these methods of dealing with feelings are only temporary. And they are dangerous. They are meant to help the problem but they don’t really make it better. In fact, if the eating disorder persists, it only compounds the issues and becomes a problem in itself.

Getting to the Root... If preoccupation with food and weight are symptoms, what do they stand for and how do we tackle the real problems? The real issues may be fears of abandonment, history of physical or sexual abuse, loss of important people through divorce or death, a parent-child mismatch, fear of being real, trauma and shame from childhood to adulthood.

Unbearable feelings were first channeled into food-control because they were too overwhelming. Food was used to deal with anxiety. Binging and purging are attempts to quell anxiety and feel better. There’s a more effective road.

The road to health is not a better diet, more effective exercise, counting calories or radical behavior change. You probably already know this. Change and control come with understanding and time.

Acknowledging that there are underlying issues is the first step. These need a “hearing” in a safe and supportive environment. It takes time to learn to feel again. Anxiety can be quieted through understanding and sharing with others. One has to learn self-trust and constructive ways of handling anxiety.

...New solutions can be found.